President's Corner

Dear PoliteChild family, supporters, and friends:

Hard to believe we’re here at the end of October already. Where has this month (and YEAR?) gone? This is the beginning of “birthday season” at our house, and recent party was the inspiration for this month’s “Corner.”

At my daughter’s birthday party this weekend, we were hosting a small crowd of first and third graders (plus a smattering of pre-schoolers) – all girls. At one point, I was surrounded by thirsty party-goers who were all reaching their empty glasses in my general direction, asking for more (picture the scene from “Oliver” at the orphanage during dinner, with all those hungry urchins begging for food). I was refilling the first cup when behind me I heard “May I, please, have some more punch, too?” I turned to the young girl and said, “Well, of course you may. Especially since you asked so nicely. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ are very important in our house.” (Poor little creatures…they didn’t know they were partying at “Manners Manor!”)

Well, wouldn’t you know it, in the next minute, all of those girls were using pleases and thank yous, and for the rest of the party, the conduct was downright inspiring! Imagine what an impact one comment to these girls about the sort of behavior that was expected made? And, it was specific, so there was no ambiguity about what “be on your best behavior” meant. I said it very simply; please and thank you were important words to use in this house. And, the girls got it: “If you want something, remember to use please and thank you!”

Which makes me think: how often are we that specific with our kids when we want them to do something? I know we’re all very good at saying “don’t do this” or “I’ve told you that’s not where to put your backpack and coat.” And, we all get sick of being so negative. Well, taking a lesson from the Orient, where there’s a Ying, there’s a Yang, so a negative has its equal and opposite positive. So, instead of saying where something doesn’t go, let’s focus on the positive – where does it go, and what do we expect our children to do with it? Instead of criticizing when it’s done wrong, let’s praise when it’s done right!

I’ll just bet that those two little tools – be specific about what courteous behavior we want, and praise when it’s done correctly – will make a huge difference in the atmosphere in your home (not to say anything about your nerves).

We all know that anger can beget more anger, which continues to fuel the fire. Let’s see if we can get our own type of “fire” going – one that warms instead of burns – and see how quickly we can get it to “catch.”

As always, you can reach me at corinneg@politechild.com with your feedback and comments.

Corinne Gregory
President and Founder, The PoliteChild, Inc.

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